I see myself in this description, there’s no denying that I keep myself busy: the planning project, the garden, two very different charities, writing, grandma duties and family, moving things around in the house, forever trying new things. However I don’t think I’m running away from myself.
There’s a much more nuanced possibility: being busy is one of the ways I’ve coped with enormous change. That’s the purpose of this blog – to tell how it is.
Up until now I have had a very full life and many responsibilities, today I am trying to adjust to a new chapter. I’ve recently been experimenting and exploring sometimes random things because I don’t really know what my future holds .
Maybe I’m trying to build a new version of me, I haven’t the luxury of time and in my mid sixties and I’m trying everything that I can, making up for lost years I suppose. The hard bit is more about working out what I want and what I want my legacy to be.
Three of my major labels have been crossed out.
Wife, Carer and Daughter.
I’m there for the rest of the family of course but it’s not quite the same.
I’ve invented other ‘labels’ to fill that big gap.
Writer, Youth worker, Trustee, choir member, gym member, Park runner, Bike rider, I can’t quiet justify Sky diver but you get the idea – the list goes on…….
Talking to another lady in a similar situation to myself at WI last night we concluded that we both feel the same way. We both feel cheated, though nether of us feel bitter, it’s just a desire to make life matter, make it our turn whilst we still can.
Being busy is proof that you are moving on in others eyes. In our society the person who has a full calendar is to be applauded and praised. As the article suggests this isn’t always a healthy attitude.
With help from counselling I’m in a new learning phase that I’m not finding easy. When life becomes quieter, feelings that have been hidden underneath activities start to rise to the surface. It doesn’t mean activity was deliberately used to avoid things, it just means ‘I’ve spent years looking after everyone and dealing with what needed dealing with. Now I’m having to discover what I want my own life to look like.’
Maybe I’m finding a much kinder interpretation, but I’d recommend everyone read the article above.
